


12 Days of Christmas 2019 Day 9

by PatchworkIdeas



Series: GatheringFiKi 12 Days of Christmas 2019 [8]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Nutcracker Fusion, Angst, Bad Parenting, Fluff, Gen, M/M, but just a bit at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: They say he's crazy, but Kili knows Fili is real.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: GatheringFiKi 12 Days of Christmas 2019 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569745
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: GatheringFiKi - 12 Days OF Christmas 2019





	12 Days of Christmas 2019 Day 9

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by GatheringFiKi's gorgeous Photoset!
> 
> Posted here with permission, and can be found on Tumblr [here](https://gatheringfiki.tumblr.com/post/189793129526/12-days-of-christmas-day-9-bonus-fullsize)

* * *

They said he was sick, not right in the head. Had been for years. Kili vaguely remembered a time when grown-ups cooed at him, played with him and Fili, listened with interest to their adventures.  
But that was many years ago.  
Now it was all:

"Stop it!"  
"Grow up already!"  
"You are just making it up!"  
"What did we ever do to deserve this?!" 

Endless talks with endless smiling grown-ups. Outwardly friendly, but they all lied.  
They all tried to take Fili from him. 

When his father separated them and tried to throw Fili away Kili knew he had to do something.  
He had been able to save him this time-in a rescue mission fit for the ages-but what if it happened again?  
He couldn't risk it.  
He had to hide Fili.  
Hide him where his parents would never find him.  
He wept bitter tears while he did so. Carefully making a nest where even his mother, who would occasionally clean his room when she got impatient with him, would never think to look.  
He didn't dare take him out again.  
But he kept his promise and talked to him, everyday, in careful murmurs before going to bed, in his head if he had no other choice, and every night, joyously, in his dreams. Like he had ever since he could remember. 

The current smiling grown-up scolded his father for taking Fili away, and Kili did not see her again. 

The lines of smiling liars got longer, none staying very long, while Kili got quiet, quiet, understanding like only a child betrayed could that everything he said would be used against him.  
When he couldn't get away with not talking at all, he tried to say exactly what they wanted to hear, just enough to not be punished, while his parents lamented their lot in life.

It was only Fili's insistance and constant questions that had him use the hated time when he was awake to read and study. His brother quizzed him every night about what he had learned, desperate for the world he couldn't share with Kili anymore. 

_Then_ the adults started calling him gifted instead. His parents were smiling when he brought back good grades.  
Only then.  
He could never seem to say the right thing, and any reference to Fili still had his mother sobbing and his father screaming at him to stop hurting them, stop being like this. 

Better not to talk at all. 

By then, the smiling faces called it teenage rebellion. Just his own peculiar kind of it.  
Advised his parents to stop reacting to Fili's name, refuse to engage. If they stopped enabling his belief in Fili, Kili would leave him behind instead. 

He was so sick of it all.

He had expected his parents objections, the threats, the constant:

"You aren't ready."  
"As if you could survive without us."  
"Do you think we want to constantly have to drive somewhere to pick up your mess?"  
"You can't even take care of yourself when we are here to watch you!" 

And eventually: 

"Well, good riddance then! But don't come crawling back when you see that we were right!" to the background of his mother's sobs. 

Kili didn't have a lot of things he wanted to take with him. And only one he couldn't live without. He packed up his clothes and other assorted possessions until his parents angrily left him to it. Only then did he lift Fili out of his hiding place.  
The wood felt old and brittle in his hands and he wept at seeing his friend and brother in such a sorry state. But they had little time before the people who should have cared for them returned. So Kili desperately hugged his best friend before hiding him amidst his clothes.  
He kept the bag clutched to his chest all the way to his new home.

It wasn't much, Kili admited.  
There was only a small, dark room, furnished with a bed, a table and a tiny kitchen area.  
The bathroom barely had enough room for a toilet and shower, much less a sink, but at least he didn't have to share it.  
He just hadn't been able to afford anything more.  
But it offered freedom.  
And while he showed his brother around their first flat, Kili vowed he would turn it into a home for them both. 

He spent long days restoring Fili, following the careful instructions he had found and using the high grade oils he had learned would bring a sheen even to the oldest wood.  
His years of taking crafts in school, carefully learning how to shape and care for anything wooden, all in preparation for this task.  
He stayed up late, so, so close, and when he fell into his old mattress in the early hours of the morning, his Fili, cherished and cared for and gleaming like new, was nestled in his arms.  
Kili went to bed with no guilt in his heart and, for the first time, did not dream. 

When he woke, there was a boy in his bed. Golden hair, shining blue eyes, normally laughing mouth thin with worry and seriousness while he urgently shaked him awake.  
Seeing that he had Kili's undivided attention Fili declared:

"The curse is broken and I need your help!"

-

Kili had been told his whole life that he was crazy, that nothing he saw was real.  
He just lived through the most incredible weeks he has ever had, Fili by his side, fighting rats and soldiers and toys that used to live in his room.  
He had found hope. Companionship.  
Love.  
He never believed that he was crazy.  
Never even considered it. 

Until now. 

"Don't you see? He is _using_ you!", King Azog spat, disgusted with Kili's naivety. 

"Don't you ever wonder why he would warn you when your parents only tried to protect you from him? How he separated you from them, made you pick sides?  
Why he never bothered to tell you about his past, about the danger just being near him put you in?" 

Kili didn't want to listen, didn't want to hear, had never wanted to hear, but the cruel rat towered over him, like his father had, that day when he told him he was only cruel to be kind. Because he needed to _grow up_ and _understand._

"He never even told you about the clock, did he? You have seen it, the hands ticking down, down, down. When the clock strikes and the bell tolls, the door to your world will close. Your magic will cease, separated from its source. And you will be stuck here.  
Alone.  
Forgotten.  
Just a broken toy no one could love."

Azog didn't need to scream anymore, the rat's whiskers brushing Kili's face, his rotten breath filling Kili's lungs. The fangs, inches from his nose and as long as his fingers.

But Azog stood up instead. 

"Go home, little mouse, while you still can."  
He took his weapon, the one that could have easily shattered his bones, but hadn't, and turned around, his last words stuck in Kili's head. 

"Go home and grow up."

Kili dragged himself through the deserted streets, his damaged leg barely holding his weight. Azog could have killed him-easily-but he hadn't. Perhaps some sentiment left from the time he used to play with him, under his father's watchful eye, after a different smiling - 

After a different _therapist_ had thought giving him different toys to spread his love to might help.  
He had never been very fond of the creepy plush rat, but perhaps what little time he spent with it had been enough.  
Or perhaps this really was his minds last attempt to _wake up_ , to join the world everyone always told him about. The real world. 

Kili coughed, leaning against the nearest wall, idly wondering where Fili was.  
They had lost each other in the fighting. In this last battle to regain the cursed prince's home.  
Fili knew Kili couldn't fight. Could hardly even control this healing magic he was supposedly blessed with.  
And yet, when Azog had found him, he had been alone. 

If nothing else, the rat had been right about that. 

Kili heard the battle in the distance, heading in the direction of the palace, away from him, away from the clock, away from the doorway.  
He thought of Fili, kind, fair Fili.  
Always supportive, always a warm smile, a witty joke, a warm embrace.  
A dream come true, literally. 

He thought of the cold, graffiti stained walls of his house, of the oppressive silence of his family, of their promises of love and warmth and joy if he would only _wake up._ Only grow up and make them proud, become a part of their world instead of clinging to his own.  
He thought of the plans they had made when he had first brought home outstanding grades, talks of him being a prodigy, of colleges and scholarships, of fame and fortune. 

He thought of warmth. 

The clock ticked on, and his leg finally healed enough to carry his weight further down the path.  
Further into the future.  
The sound of the battle to the right.  
The tick tock of the clock, ever warning him of time slipping through his fingers, to the left.  
Kili closed his eyes, said goodbye to what he had thought his future would be, and moved on. 

-

The battle was raging all around them, but none dared to interfere with their potential future rulers. 

Fili was bloody and tired and while he knew that Azog was a liar, he could not deny the impact his words had on him.  
Fili had lost Kili in the crowd, the soldiers deliberately separating them, pulling them apart, and by the time Fili finally made it back to Kili's last spot... he was gone. He searched, desperately, but the fighting waited for no one and Fili was swept along, calling, calling, but never getting an answer. 

There just hadn't been any time to teach him how to fight. He shouldn't have needed to! That was Fili's job! What kind of prince was he if he couldn't even protect the love of his life, the saviour of him and his people, the boy who had cared for him, loved him, regardless of the cost to himself. 

Azog swung his heavy, bloody mace, shreds of Kili's jeans still stuck on it. 

Fili had failed him. 

His grief slowed him down just enough to be grazed by the rats heavy blow, staggering and unable to evade the follow up. 

He could see the end coming. 

He had failed.  
Failed his kingdom.  
Failed his family.  
Failed his love. 

Kili. 

As if the thought had summoned him, Kili was suddenly there, pulling Fili to the side while the heavy mace smashed into the courtyard stone.  
His injuries healed.  
His thoughts cleared.  
His heart calmed. 

When Azog pulled his mace out of the ground, roaring his anger and defiance at the world, spittle flying out his snout, he wasn't facing a lost little boy anymore.  
He was facing a prince of his people.  
A beloved brother.  
A cherished friend.  
A treasured partner. 

He faced Fili.  
And Fili wouldn't fail. 

-

The battle was won.  
The kingdom was saved.  
The soldiers, as if by magics hand, healed as they bend the knee to their new king.  
It was done. 

Yet, it was only much later, after meeting after meeting, decision after decision, night after night falling into bed, clinging to each other, asleep before their heads hit the pillow, that Fili finally found the time and courage to put his fears into words. 

"I thought you were gone.  
That I failed you. Lost you.  
He said..."  
Kili shushed him, fingers tangled in Fili's hair, pulling him close until their foreheads touched, their breath mingled.  
He murmured, just for Fili to hear:

"Azog said a lot of things. But I know what I want, and there is nothing I would not do or pay for it.  
My life, my future, my happiness lies with you.  
And if this love is insanity, then I will gladly be mad my whole life if it means I get to spend it with you."

Fili chuckled, admiring Kili in his new white regalia, admiring the boy who had protected him, the soul who fought for him, the heart who loved him.  
The man he would marry, so that they may rule and live together, until the end of their days. 

Fili bridged the last distance, kissing willing lips and thanking whatever magic or miracle had brought and kept them together. 

In the distance a bell tolled, and the clock stopped ticking.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](https://patchworkideas.tumblr.com/post/189795093890/gatheringfiki-the-following-ficlet-was-written)


End file.
